so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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