His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
