im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
