I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My hand turned me down
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
