She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
