whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My pussy is not your playground.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
