You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
