she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
