you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
