do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
