so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
