You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
