dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
