Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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