Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
