I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The best revenge is premature balding
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
