I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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