I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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