ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
