My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
