Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
