it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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