This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
