My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
