you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
