if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
