get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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