just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
