so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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