I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
