haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
