so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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