i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
