I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
