I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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