i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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