Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
