so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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