he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
soo... how was my night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
