You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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