Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
