i jhust puked up my retainher.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
