That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
