Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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