Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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