I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
