Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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