I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
