Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
