Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
