We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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