Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
